trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
