So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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