I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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