you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
