Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
