Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
