The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
