On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
