shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
