i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize