She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
