This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You ruined the universe
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
