Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize