Cold hands, warm shart.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
