Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
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you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
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He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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