i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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