I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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