god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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