This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
