I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
