Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
