take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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