I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
