The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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