As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
