Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
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Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
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Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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