I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
