I wish I could teleport
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
