Screwed.edu
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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