i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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