I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
