so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Randomize
