i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize