The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
