Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
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She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
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You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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