Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
