I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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