im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
