From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
