Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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