the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
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I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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