if i can run in heels then i can drive
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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