I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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