I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
