She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
