today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen