now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.