dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.