my mouth tastes like poor choices
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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