need another drink. this is the easiest way
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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