I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
