I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
