i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I wish there were birth control emojis
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize