I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
that is very illegal...i love you.
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