Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
