Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
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my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
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It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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