My room smells like vodka and shame
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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