yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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