Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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