i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just tell him i said nine months
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
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You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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