So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
