I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
