girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize