Sponge bath it is.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
