Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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